right vs. wrong

As I sit here glancing at both of my baby video monitors I wonder if what I'm doing (what my husband and I do) is right...

The first thing that came to mind was to grab a book or buy another book about baby/toddler sleeping. I'm not even sure if there are any left out there that I have not read. I've been reading up on baby sleep ever since I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, nearly 4 and a half years old. While these books gave me numerous methods to try and help my little one sleep, none of them actually worked. The only thing I gained was the feeling I wasn't the only one out there and that this too shall pass. While it stinks to be in this predicament, it does help knowing there are others like me (some worse even) who made it through this difficult time.

Now as I sit here I keep telling myself, right vs. wrong. You know, I wonder... I don't think there is any right or wrong answer. Honestly, it's just what works. One method may be good for one family while another may good for another. Does this mean one of them is wrong? No. Of course not.

So what does work for me? I don't know to be honest. I can tell you what doesn't. Crying it out. Whew, that's been a tough subject for me since day one. Also nursing my toddler to sleep also isn't working anymore. It could, if I let it, but I really have gotten tired (physically and mentally) of nursing my youngest baby girl. I started off nursing only to achieve a year long nursing relationship. I did. I chose to continue on. Why? Because 1. my baby had no intentions of stopping, 2. she never took a bottle, 3. I loved the bonding time, 4. do I honestly need more reasons?

So here it is, day #3 of operation "no more boo-bee." All is well. NataLee has asked to nurse a few times here and there and seems to drop the asking when I tell her no more, you're a big girl now. The hardest part of this whole change is naptime. As if I do not have a hard enough time getting both of my girls to nap or sleep at night. Nursing NataLee to sleep use to be the only way I could get her to fall asleep. Typically this would mean, nursing her on the couch until she was out. Sometimes I would test my luck and carry her to her bed and lay her down. 50% of the time it would work and she'd stay alseep for 1-2 hours. The other 50% of the time she'd wake up and I'd have to start all over again and watch out if she cried while I laid her down...that risked waking her sister KayLee up in the next room or if KayLee wasn't alseep, that act an an invitation to come out into the living room where I was once again trying to get NataLee to sleep. In most cases I ended up with 2 wide awake children.

What did I do yesterday? Hmmm I tucked KayLee in her bed and she fell asleep. I took NataLee to my room and put her in my bed, laid down next to her for a few minutes and she fell asleep.

Today I tucked KayLee in her bed which she potested against sleep. Then I tucked NataLee in her bed which she protested against as well. So I closed both girls bedrooms doors and told them goodnight, I love you, now go to sleep. This didn't work. NataLee climbed out of bed and knocked on the door calling mommy mommy for a few minutes. When her tone changed and she began saying mommy hold me, hold me mommy, I decided to go and get her. I tried again to tuck her in and put my head down next to her, but she was not having it. So I picked her up and told her if I rock you, you have to go to sleep. I rocked her for 2 minutes and she was out. Then I laid her in her bed, BOOM, again, success and that is where she is now, in her bed asleep.

As I closed NataLee's door I went in to peek at KayLee. She wasn't in her bed. I found her in the bathroom playing on the floor. She's just learning to potty all by herself o I never protest when she's going potty, but this playing wasn't going to cut it. I told her to get back in her bed and go to sleep. She climbed back into bed. I am here looking at her monitor....she's not asleep. She is just laying there wiggling around every so often.

I can't imagine that KayLee is outgrowing her naps because just yesterday I tucked her in, without a word and she slept for 2 hours and 15 minutes.

*sigh*

I struggle so much with the question, am I doing the right thing for my children?" This is what keeps me up at night, this is what makes me sick to my stomach sometimes. I hate feeling like I am doing my children more harm than good. But honestly, what is right? Even if the answer is what works for your family is right, well, wht happens when things change?